7 Daily Routines That Tire Kids Out (Though Parents Consider Them Essential)

Picture this: it’s a new morning, and your child is grumpy and refuses to get out of bed. “You’re so mean!” your child shouts as you tell her it’s time to get up. Sound familiar? While we parents cling to these daily rituals believing they’re building character and structure, our kids are quietly getting worn down by the very routines we think are helping them thrive.

The Morning Hustle That Leaves Everyone Drained

The morning routine requires infinite creativity and energy from parents. Your kids depend on you to start your own day with a “full cup.” But here’s the brutal truth – most mornings feel like a military operation gone wrong. Spending long days with your toddler is a blessing — or so you’ve been told. Truth is, parenting toddlers is hard work. Full days can feel never-ending, leaving you exhausted and, well, defeated. The constant nagging about brushing teeth, getting dressed, and eating breakfast creates a tense start that ripples through the entire day. Kids aren’t naturally morning people any more than adults are, yet we expect them to bounce out of bed ready to tackle a checklist that would challenge a CEO.

Homework Sessions That Drain Little Souls

According to the National Education Association and the National Parent-Teacher Association, the standard is 10 minutes of homework for every grade, meaning 1st graders get 10 minutes, and high school seniors should have a total of 120 minutes. But children are being assigned much more work than that. Some kindergartners are getting as much as 25 minutes of homework a night, the same amount meant for 3rd graders. The after-school homework battle has become an endurance test for both parent and child. When children spend multiple hours on homework after school, they’re apt to miss out on playing with friends and family activities and have less time for extra curricular activities, which in turn results in less physical activity each day. Complex at-home projects can often require parental assistance and often computer work. Too much time spent on computer screens directly before bed actually makes falling asleep more difficult, which in turn leads to being tired at school, less attentive, and less engaged in their lessons. What we think is reinforcing learning is actually creating a cycle of exhaustion and resentment.

Structured Activities That Steal Independence

The study, published online in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, also found that children who participate in more structured activities—including soccer practice, piano lessons and homework—had poorer “self-directed executive function,” a measure of the ability to set and reach goals independently. “Executive function is extremely important for children,” said CU-Boulder psychology and neuroscience Professor Yuko Munakata, senior author of the new study. “It helps them in all kinds of ways throughout their daily lives, from flexibly switching between different activities rather than getting stuck on one thing, to stopping themselves from yelling when angry, to delaying gratification.” The results showed that the more time children spent in less structured activities, the better their self-directed executive function. Conversely, the more time children spent in more structured activities the poorer their self-directed executive function. Every piano lesson, every organized sport, every scheduled activity we think is enriching their lives might actually be robbing them of the ability to direct their own actions and make independent decisions.

Elaborate Bedtime Routines That Backfire

Moms are so utterly exhausted by bedtime that they are like JUST GO TO BED, PLEASE, LET ME HAVE SOME ALONE TIME. Honestly, this is what happens all over the world around 7 p.m. Don’t fight it. Use that tiredness to your own advantage. Streamline and autopilot this bedtime routine so that everyone gets the rest they need. We’ve turned bedtime into an elaborate performance with baths, stories, songs, and endless negotiations. You may need more or less time for your nighttime routine, so feel free to start earlier if you need to. A solid routine here might include a small snack or feeding, a bath and brushing teeth, reading stories, singing songs, cuddling or rocking your child, and — of course — the goodnight kiss. What should be a peaceful wind-down has become another exhausting checkbox marathon that leaves both parent and child emotionally drained. The very routine designed to calm them down is amping everyone up instead.

Kitchen Helper Chaos That Overwhelms

Toddlers can get involved with small tasks like chopping soft vegetables with kid-safe nylon knives, mixing together pasta salads or quick-breads with supervision, or even helping to set the table. By now, you see how being in the kitchen can be a big part of the day for your child. We invite our little ones to “help” in the kitchen thinking we’re teaching life skills. What really happens? When you’ve finished your meal, find ways for the whole family to participate in the cleanup. Modeling chores helps your child see their role in the household and how it takes the whole family to keep things rolling. The reality is flour everywhere, dropped eggs, spilled milk, and a simple 20-minute dinner prep that now takes an hour and a half. While our intentions are beautiful, the sensory overload and pressure to “help properly” can leave sensitive kids feeling frustrated and defeated rather than accomplished.

Screen Time Limits That Create Power Struggles

After 35 minutes my kids were whining that they were tired and just wanted to go home (we are home a LOT and these are 10 and 14 year olds… My two year old was having a blast in the grass) I was so irritated. They wanted to come home so they could watch tv and and play video games. This really opened my eyes to what is happening to my children. Providing screen time as a reward for completing tasks or good behaviour can be an effective strategy. For example, allow extra screen time after finishing homework or completing chores. The constant monitoring, bargaining, and enforcement around screen time becomes its own exhausting routine. Limiting screen time also helps parents keep a closer eye on what their children are experiencing on social media and the internet. While more research is needed to fully understand the effects screen time levels have on kids, parents are not off the hook. Screen time affects adults the same as children. Too much screen time puts everyone at risk of obesity, and it’s linked with sleep disturbances and can affect relationships. For kids, especially teens, there are studies concerning the negative effects of screen time and its relationship to anxiety, depression and attention span. Instead of peaceful afternoons, we get meltdowns, negotiations, and kids who’ve lost the ability to self-regulate their own entertainment.

Household Chores That Feel Like Punishment

Even young children can help with chores if you choose activities that are right for their age. You can start with simple jobs like packing up toys. Chores like this send the message that your child’s contribution is important. We assign age-appropriate tasks thinking we’re building responsibility and work ethic. Involving children in household chores teaches them responsibility and important life skills. Assign age-appropriate tasks such as making the bed, folding laundry, or gardening. Involving children in household chores teaches them responsibility and important life skills. Assign age-appropriate tasks such as making the bed, folding laundry, or gardening. These activities provide a break from screens and help children develop a sense of accomplishment and contribution to the family. But here’s what really happens: constant reminding, redoing their “help,” and kids who see chores as punishment rather than contribution. It’s best to start by choosing chores that work for children’s ages and abilities. Chores that are too hard can be frustrating – or even dangerous – and chores that are too easy might be boring. The emotional labor of managing their resistance often outweighs the actual help they provide.

The truth is, our well-intentioned routines might be the very things wearing our kids down. For most parents, life is hectic. Balancing a job, a home and kids can be stressful and exhausting! Not having routines for young children can contribute to that stress. But maybe, just maybe, we need fewer perfectly executed routines and more space for kids to simply be kids. Play is their homework, essential in cultivating creativity, in growing strong and thoughtful minds. A better balance of homework and play should be stuck in an effort to most effectively educate our children–to help them grow into well-rounded, intuitive, inquisitive, and thoughtful adults.

What if the secret isn’t more structure, but more breathing room? What would happen if we trusted our kids a little more and our carefully crafted routines a little less?